I’ve been feeling pretty bad the past few days.
Just run down, tired. My bones hurt.
That doesn’t happen to me very often. But my joints literally hurt. I’m virtually positive that it’s the cumulative events of the past two weeks….the loss of the two Bills at Northaven –Bill McElvaney and Bill Warrick. Both were deeply important to me. Bill McElvaney, especially, has been a mentor and friend to me for twenty-five years. Everyone in the congregation is feeling the loss of these two saints. Including me. So, it’s been tough to keep myself afloat and be present for others too. (Not impossible. Just tough…)
One of the things that always helps me is riding my bike. All summer, I’ve been doing longer rides of several hours. When I take those long rides, there’s time for a nice break; to sit, reflect, and often be introspective. (Which I tend to do on Facebook….)
But, the past few weeks I’ve been going on shorter, “sprint” rides, where the whole goal is going fast and pushing hard. Anyway, instead of riding Wednesday afternoon, as I often do, I rode Wednesday morning instead. And, once again, I didn’t take a break. So, no meditative moment of introspection.
But when I came home and had a shower, I then lit some incense and candles and meditated/journaled here at my writing desk for a while. Amazing how much better I feel already. I think the feeling-better is cumulative….from both the ride…and the prayer/writing at this desk which is my centering place at home.
Which reminded me of something that should be self-evident: We can go out. But we can (and should) also always go in too. When I take the time, this desk becomes a White Rock sunset for me. It calms and centers me the way a good bike ride does.
But, just like going to the lake, we have to take the time to go “in.” And when we’re stressed, when we’re spinning as a fast as we can, the last thing we think we need to is to slow down, and go inward. When, in fact, it may be the very thing we need.
Speaking of spinning, Eric Schwartz just posted a stupid little video of a dryer self-destructing. The little boy in my watched and thought, “Cool!”
Here it is:
And then, it dawned on me: That’s what WE do, as people. Way too often, we’re just like that dryer. We get stuck in the spin cycle and keep spinning until we self destruct.
That’s the time when I love to recall the old Zen saying, “Don’t just do something, stand there.”
And yet, to do any of this….to ride around the lake….or to sit at the desk in the quiet…all these things require CHOICE.
They do require us to “doing something.” It’s the most difficult “something” of all, for most of us:
The choice to take and make the time.
You deserve more than just life’s spin cycle.